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LONDON, APRIL 1st: Greenpeace unveiled its secretly developed wind-powered shrink ray technology this morning, by deploying a crack team of mini-activists to drop a banner telling Sion Touhig to stop being such a great big crybaby.

(Wire Photo © Adnan Hodge)

Originally trained to block the tailpipes of SUV's and John Prescott's Jag, the micro-climbers faced a special logistical challenge this time, by dropping the banner at dawn while avoiding being rolled on by Touhig's massive fat arse.

Luckily all survived their lardy ordeal and are undergoing a debrief and regeneration to their original size with a concentrated guarana-based antidote.

"We got so pig-sick of him whinging"

said a Greenpeace spokesperson,

"To hear him talk, you'd think he was Douglas bloody Bader or something, so we felt a radical statement had to be made"

Sion could not be reached for comment, but released a statement condemning Greenpeace's

"reckless shin-tervention",

referring to them as

"a bunch of pint sized gammy leg-o-terrorists"

and denied accusations that he'd considered having a peg-leg sourced from illegally logged Indonesian teak.

Comments

[Mike]

An Ilizarov Fixator sounds like a sex toy to me.

You sure you weren't feeling a little lonely and thought a trip to the local hospital would increase your chances of being molested by nurses?

Most of us just go down to the local pub and take our chances with the local slappers there.

I bet you are enjoying the blanket baths and have been abusing your supply of morphine too.